Here’s one example. Take this paragraph:
This report provides an update on staff’s engagement with the Province to date, as directed by Council, on the Province’s multi-year process to redevelop Ontario Place and recommends entering into a “Province of Ontario – City of Toronto Engagement on the Future of Ontario Place and Exhibition Place Terms of Reference” (ToR) to set up a structured engagement process on a go forward basis. Through this process, the City will work with the Province in a cooperative and coordinated manner on the next phases of the Ontario Place redevelopment to optimize the potential of the Ontario Place and Exhibition Place sites and to achieve outcomes that are consistent with the City’s legacy of careful waterfront planning. The full ToR is attached as Appendix 1 to this report.
There is a key message here, but what is it? The reader has to wade through a lot to get to the key point, which is that the Province and the City will work together to redevelop Ontario Place and Exhibition Place.
They may have even stopped reading, and starting skimming. In the process they would have missed out on some useful information, like that from now on they will commit to working together to make the most of the sites’ potential, through a formal arrangement, to make sure they are developed in a way that is consistent with earlier waterfront plans.
How can you fix this?
You could create two shorter paragraphs that separate what’s happening from how it will happen:
This report provides an update on staff’s engagement with the Province to date, as directed by Council, on the Province’s multi-year process to redevelop Ontario Place and recommends entering into a “Province of Ontario – City of Toronto Engagement on the Future of Ontario Place and Exhibition Place Terms of Reference” (ToR) to set up a structured engagement process on a go forward basis.
Through this process, the City will work with the Province in a cooperative and coordinated manner on the next phases of the Ontario Place redevelopment to optimize the potential of the Ontario Place and Exhibition Place sites and to achieve outcomes that are consistent with the City’s legacy of careful waterfront planning. The full ToR is attached as Appendix 1 to this report.
That makes it a bit more readable, but it’s still 127 words with a lot of repetition and lengthy description. You could also stick to one paragraph, but get rid of the words that don’t add a lot of value, or are repetitive, like this:
This report provides an update on staff’s engagement with the Province to date, as directed by Council, on the Province’s multi-year process to redevelop Ontario Place and Exhibition Place and recommends entering into a Terms of Reference (see Appendix 1) to set up a structured engagement process on a go forward basis. Through this process, the City will work with the Province in a cooperative and coordinated manner on the next phases of the Ontario Place redevelopment to optimize the potential of the Ontario Place and Exhibition Place sites and to achieve outcomes that are consistent with the City’s legacy of careful waterfront planning.
That’s a bit shorter, down to 120 words, but still pretty dense. You could rewrite the paragraph in plain language that anyone, including members of the general public, could understand. Do this by unpacking the key points and focusing on the key information, rather than providing absolutely all of the information in the first paragraph.
As requested by Council, this report provides an update on staff’s engagement with the Province to date, as directed by Council, on the Province’s multi-year process for redeveloping Ontario Place and Exhibition Place. City staff are recommending that a Terms of Reference (see Appendix 1) be used to ensure ongoing cooperation and coordination between the City and the Province. and recommends entering into a “Province of Ontario – City of Toronto Engagement on the Future of Ontario Place and Exhibition Place Terms of Reference” (ToR) to set up a structured engagement process on a go forward basis. Through this process, the City will work with the Province in a cooperative and coordinated manner on the next phases of the Ontario Place redevelopment. The City’s goal is to make sure the sites are redeveloped in a way that is consistent with years of careful waterfront planning. optimize the potential of the Ontario Place and Exhibition Place sites and to achieve outcomes that are consistent with the City’s legacy of careful waterfront planning. The full ToR is attached as Appendix 1 to this report.
It’s almost half the original length (69 words!) and hasn’t compromised the content. It’s still clear – and even more clear – what the report is about, what the recommendation is, and what the City’s priority is. All of the details, like the full title of the agreement, can be provided in the main body of the report.
Either example is more effective than the original. When you have long, dense paragraphs, find the key message, identify other useful info. Help the important points stand out by breaking it up, or by shortening it, and get rid of the rest.
You’ll make it much easier for your reader to take in more information and understand it!
For more writing tips, check out Plain Language for Planners and Persuasive Writing for Planners on my website: scribetw.com. Contact us for help writing and editing your documents!